Why I Became an ADHD Coach

I was asked to share "my story" this week, and it got me thinking.

Having ADHD and being 30% developmentally delayed in executive functioning skills significantly impacts my self-awareness and means that I:
👉 Struggle to understand what I want and need until it's too late
👉 Don't often reflect on experiences and how they have affected me
👉 Put pressure on myself to do what others expect of me
👉 Push myself to achieve "success" that I don't even want
👉 Beat myself up for not being "normal" without understanding why
👉 Frequently burn myself out for the reasons above, and more.

So, I thought I'd share a bit about what's led me to where I am today and why I chose to become an ADHD Coach with ADHD Works - and what better day to do it than (unintentionally) on International Women's Day.

Thank you to the amazing community of women that I've found on my ADHD journey these last two years, who inspire me every day and empower me to be myself 💛

I was a funny child. Thinking back, I don’t know how my family didn’t pick up on my ADHD or autism. I was obsessed with learning, particularly maths, instead of doing what you'd expect a "normal" 4 year old girl to be doing, like playing with dolls, I used to ask my Gran to write me maths questions to keep me busy in the car…

I achieved in school because it was expected of me. I didn’t have many friends because I didn’t know how to make friends or keep friends - the friends that I made I got bored of quickly and moved onto someone else. I did a lot of sport at school because I was always tall for my age, so that helped me seem a bit more "normal", but I was really just the weird smart kid that all the boys wanted to try and beat in exams.

I went on to university even though I really didn’t want to go. Somewhere in the back of my mind I knew it wasn’t the right environment for me - I always wanted to run my own business and build something for myself. But I was expected to go to uni, so that’s what I did.

In my 3rd year of a 5-year degree I nearly got kicked out. I couldn’t pay attention in lectures, I sat on my phone the whole time, I didn’t know how to write notes and I didn’t know how to study, I couldn’t do tutorials or practice questions because I never took anything in during the lectures and I ended my Christmas exams with a 44% average after being a first-class student for the first 2 years.

With the realisation of failing my degree, I started hanging around with a new group of friends who were obsessed with studying. So, I copied what they did and managed to stay on my course and finish my degree with a 2:1. To be honest, thinking about it now and knowing about my ADHD, it’s only because I body-doubled them that I was able to get through uni.

I was ashamed and disappointed in myself because it felt like I'd let everyone around me down and ruined my perfect academic record. I'd only ever got A's in school and was always top of the class, so how did this happen?

I couldn’t get the type of job that I thought I wanted, the kind of job that screamed SUCCESS, because I didn’t have a first-class degree. So, I went back to university and did a 2nd Masters. I focussed completely on my uni work for a year and had no social life (Covid lockdown helped with that a little bit...), but I finished my degree top of the class. This made me feel worse about myself and made me beat myself up more - "why couldn’t I have done this the first time!?" was the voice playing on repeat in my head.

I started my graduate job in 2020, and worked from home for the first year or so before I was able to get into the office because of Covid restrictions. The first time I met anyone that I worked with in person was at a random hotel in Aberdeen city centre, where we had to isolate for a week before going offshore in the North Sea.

Low self-awareness from undiagnosed ADHD, combined with having my first "real" job after university, working in a new office environment, and being isolated and locked down during Covid, led to burning myself out and becoming really ill. A few doctors appointments later and I was on the 8-month waiting list to see a psychologist. When that appointment finally came, it took less than an hour for the psychologist to realise I was dealing with undiagnosed ADHD. A year later, I was diagnosed with autism as well.

Having these diagnoses, and realising why I had struggled at work and at university and with friendships, made me realise that what I had been labelling as "success" wasn’t success at all - well it wasn’t success for me. I was, and still am some days, torturing myself to achieve that "success" that I think I should be aiming for. I do sometimes still feel disappointed in myself and like a failure for not having the jobs that I thought I should be getting, but really, I'd just be pushing myself to achieve something that

1. I don’t even really want, and

2. is hurting me to try and achieve because it's not the right environment for me.

Now, I know that success to me is feeling fulfilled in what I do, and what makes me feel fulfilled is helping other people and making a difference. I want to create an impact. I want to empower others. I want to help people realise and understand that they're not alone or "broken". I want to help companies realise that different doesn’t mean difficult and that adjustments for people with ADHD, autism or any other neurodivergence actually help everyone! 

My diagnoses and coaching allowed me to stop beating myself up for not being "normal". They enabled me to understand my strengths and desires, and allowed me to understand the environment I need to thrive. They empowered me to stop trying to fit into a box that was never made for me.

So that's why I became a Certified ADHD Coach with ADHD Works. For anyone feeling like you're only doing things because they're expected of you - I understand. For anyone feeling like you're disappointing others - I understand. For anyone feeling like an outsider - I understand. For anyone who's masked for so long you don't know who you are or what you like and dislike - I understand. For anyone feeling alone or broken - you're not. For anyone wanting to work through these things, understand your strengths and desires, build the environment that allows you to thrive, and find your community who 'get' you - I'm here for you.

#ADHD #ADHDCoach #Coaching #InternationalWomensDay #IWD

If you'd like to chat about ADHD Coaching, or anything else, grab a cuppa and schedule a call with me here - calendly.com/rhidefine/intro-call 

Why I Became an ADHD Coach